I have caught myself a handful of times this week trying to mind read and jumping to conclusions, especially during moments of silence. I love communicating and I value vulnerability but I can’t expect everyone to feel comfortable with openness like I am.
In all honesty, for me when others are vulnerable with me it’s soothing. I don’t feel as anxious and I feel reassured. This is what most call an anxious attachment style. It reassures me to know what’s going on with others because then I have a better understanding of my environment.
Most of us have been raised with emotionally unavailable parents that didn’t quite know how to navigate their child’s emotions. Hence, strategies like “go to your room and come out when you’ve dealt with your feelings” and rationalizing emotions like “people have it worst than you” have been used on most of us.
For me, I blamed myself for how my emotions made others feel and thought that I was the only one feeling this way for my entire life. It taught me that when I have big emotions I have to isolate myself because “I’m too much”. When others are quiet I think that I’ve done something wrong right away. I try and try to connect with others to soothe my worries and if that doesn’t work, then what?
Having more awareness of this part of myself has helped me in accepting myself but most importantly others. The reason why I love growing so much is because it allows my compassion to grow. Compassion allows me to realize that my behaviours are just reflections of myself and other’s behaviours have nothing to do with me. Knowledge is the first step to remembering the truth, the truth that we are all love.